Men live by a simple rules which we all know and live by. If we're boyz then the rules get even simpler to abide by.
Some, but not all of these rules are in place to prevent one thing, physical violence.
Like lions in the animal kingdom. In tense situations noise and posturing is used and much more preferred by both sides than violence.
Men are strong. even against another man, one could get seriously hurt, embarrassed from a loss, or an escalation could occur that which some get completely out of control.
In the words of a great man, "Testosterone is a hell of a drug."
Say if I bumped into some guy on the street one day. Neither him nor I want's to say yo I'm sorry. But neither of us wants to back down. It'll all comes down to what the person who speaks first says. And if for whatever reason I'm that person who speaks first.
Whatever I say can't come across as weak (unless he's with a girl. In that case, the rule is for the one without a girl is the one who has to say he's sorry first). But if we're both alone, instead of simply saying 'excuse me' or 'I'm sorry'. The apology would have to sound tough. So I'd say something like, 'pardon self' or 'my bad'.
In that case, the rule is that the other dude would then have to back down.
The key for men is to keep things simple.
But that can be far more difficult for two males who are friends, because now, feelings are involved. I don't mean those mooshie kind of feelings (Well actually that's exactly what I mean. But men aren't supposed to have those types of feelings for one another).
The rules between men are never more important than when it comes to male relationships.
The rules apply not only is the threat of violence around. Now 'feelings' and 'penalties' for breaking the rules get far more harsh. Especially when a girl is involved.
Keep it simple.
Guys can be best friends for years without even knowin each other's first or last names by heart. So was the case between me an my boy Child's.
Child's was one of the first cool cats I'd met hanging out on the streets of Manhattan. I was selling weed at this time and he used to 'cop' from me from time to time.
Child's is Pureto Rican. Around my age, 21,22 yrs. old. He's a Latin King. Always in yellow and black clothes. Always wore a yellow or black bandana, or do rag. And always had a yellow or black rosary beads around his neck.
Like I said, he's cool. And we clicked. For guys, that's all we need for friendship.
At first he used to cop and keep it moving. Then he got cool wit some of the same peoples I know on the block. Then, after a while, instead of leaving after he bought a bag, he'd stick around with his boys. Which were my boys. And that's how we became boys.
Child's and I liked the same things. And on the same mission. Girls, girls, girls. We were always on the hunt for whatever passed by. Pretty much the only difference between him an me was I don smoke weed. But we both drink. So we'd always go in half on a bottle or som'm.
We keep it simple.
The more time goes by. The more shit we get into together. Gettin girls, havin each other's back while beefin wit som'body, gettin locked up together. The tighter we get.
Around the last time he called, it'd been several months since I've heard from Child's. By this time, I've moved to BK and kinda lost track wit him.
Over the phone he'd told me he'd been in Jersey livin wit some chick out there. He also told me that he was on his way to central bookings. Calling me from the phone in one of the precincts in Midtown. Said he got picked up on the humble over some dumb shit from way back. He also said him and the chick he was stayin wit had just came into the city to chill. When soon after arrivin is when he got knocked. And that she's in Midtown by herself now and that her bus did not leave till like 4 in the mornin. He asked me to go down there and chill with her till her bus arrived.
This couldn't have been the worst time. An even older friend of mine who i ain't seen in a while either is at my place. After some proddin from him I agreed to smoke some bud wit him to celebrate his new baby on the way. Now I'm high as hell. All the way in Brooklyn and dont wanna move cause the weed gettn to me.
But that's my boy. So I had to say yes. And before his time on the jack ran out he told me he'd given his girl my number, and that she'll be callin me at eleven.
Now I'm sittin here hopin the chick don't call. I'm on a lazy high and dreaded a 45 min. train ride into the city to babysit some chick.
But sure enough at 11:05 I get a call from the chick and she told me the same story. The whole time she's talkin I'm thinkin of a way to get out of this thing. When she finished I was was just like 'Look ma, I can't come. I got company and can't leave. She took it well and said it's ok, don't worry about it, she'll be fine, then I said goodbye.
But then I started feelin real bad about doin my boy Child's like this and feared him feelin some type of way from now on once he got the word. So I call the chick back, told her I was on my way. She sounded relieved.
I get down to 42nd street at like 12:30 an we meet up outside the Port Authority. We greeted with half a hug once we recognize one another from our descriptions we gave over the phone.
I have know idea what to do with this chick. I wanna be back home so bad. I'm just like 'fuck it'. I'll just do the same thing Child's was gonna do. Walk her around Midtown till we got tired then head to the bus station to wait on her bus in the waiting room the got downstairs.
I see a hotdog stand on the corner an I'm like, 'you hungry'? She says yeah so I buy her and myself a hotdog and a soda then we start walking down 4 deuce.
It's like early October so it's still warm. 42nd's all lit it and crowded like it usually is at this time. I'm hatin every minute of it.
luckily she's a talker, a big one. Even with her mouth full. Thankfully (for once) I don't have say anything, just pretend to listen.
The deeper you get into 42nd the brighter the lights get. After a few blocks is when I get my first good impression of her as far as looks.
My first impression is how much older she looks than me and Child’s. She look like mid 30ish and may have noticed me studying her house while tryin to determine an age. She launches into the story of how her and my dude met, and on the first time she saw him was one night he an some of his goons that he'd brought from NY, came to her house in Jersey. They were there to settle an old score wit some 'lame' he'd beefed wit from back in the day. She said she was impressed with how 'this young NY nigga handled himself'. And that's when she started to like him.
We head down Broadway which is lit up just as brighter as 42nd street.
She was a slim goodie. Mad short. Lie 5' 2". An got a little bubble back their. She Puerto Rican. So I'm not surprised that she got a lil boonki back there.
We walk. She talked until we get tired and decide to go back to the bus station at the Port Authority.
We walk down to the waiting are and sut down for a while. I had my headphones on me. But thought that too bold a move just to plug'em to my phone and listen to music. By now my high had started to come down.
The seats down here at the waiting area are big, metal, chairs connected really close together. It ain't that crowded down hear. We have a lil ova an hr. till her train came. It was around this time that I noticed how good it felt sitting close to a female. Like a Gentleman I let her hog the arm of the chair. Leaving my arms crossed for most of the time. She continued to talk. And talk, and talk.
But this time her subject had changed. From Child's to how hard it was to find A good guy. She called me 'sweet' for buying her something to eat. She sounded like no guy had ever done that for her before. She leaned in closer now when she talked. Which forced me to make more eye contact, not walking anymore and being so close together forced me to make more direct eye contact with her.
She keeps going on and on about me buying the hot dog and soda for her. And for me staying with her for all this time. 'I don't meet a lot of sweet guys like you'. She said.
I kep it cool by replying, 'Awe that's cool. You my man's girl'. 'Yeah but not even Child's treat me like you. Sometime I be thinkin he just be usin me for a place to stay'. And that his homies are always at the house.
I respond to that by noddin slightly in understanding.
She told me she wanted to smoke a square before her bus came. So we go back outside and each light one up. She keeps talking. Now, askin questions about me. Where I live, where I'm from, and told me how 'cute' my accent is being from Kentucky an all.
Finally it was about her bus to come. It was like 3:30 in the morning and her bus was comin at 4.
I feel that ol feelin startin to creep into my body. The feeling of sex. I knew she had been flirting with me most of the time that we were together. Mostly down in the waiting area. 'Dame'. I thought to myself. I started feelin shorty. Even though she talked a lot and wasn't all that fly, she was definitely still beatable. `I know I can take this chick back to the crib and shmash. All I had to do was let her know the deal'.
It's like 3:45 now, knowing it was about time for us to depart, she starts crying. 'Damn. I should take this chick back to the crib' I thought.
But now I start thinkin about my man Child's. And more importantly 'the rules'. It got to me. Plus he's locked up too. 'Na man, na man'.
And that's when I decided not to accompany her back downstairs to the waiting area. I'd done my job. She would be on a bus back to Jersey safe and sound. And me back on the subway to Brooklyn. She sensed my change of attitude. And in my eyes tried one last time to get me to change my mind. She takes my hand and says 'it's hard for me to leave you. You just so nice'. She comes in for a hug. I give her one.
As she wipes her eyes away, she told me, 'You got my number right? call me anytime.’
I said 'sure'. Told her to hurry back downstairs so's she wouldn't miss her bus. Pulling away from the hug she held my hand longer than was allowed. Once she finally let go. She gave one last wave, thanked me again , before turning back to enter the bus station.
Then I head to the nearest 3 train a block or so away, to hop back on the 3.
Keep it simple.
The reason why I apologized is because the next day I did call her. Just to ask her if she got home same and if she'd heard from Child's.
I should have ended the conversation right then and there. But I couldn't get a word in edgewise cause she started talking about the same things as before when we were outside the Port. About how nice I was and that she with she met me first instead of Child’s. We ended up talkin for over an hr.. Man that girl can talk.
In another violation of the rules, she called me again 2 days later. Talking the same shit about how nice I was to her and how unhappy she was with Child's. She talked so long that when I got another call, I switched over without telling her. Finished my conversation and when I clicked back over she was still on the other line, talking away.
'Did you just switch over and take another call while I was talkin'? She asked. 'Na man, that's rude. I wouldn't do no shot like that'. 'I don't know'. She said in a suspicious tone. I suspected that wasn't the first time someone did that to her.
But anyway. That was the last time I spoke to her. And After a couple of days I erased her number off my phone. Child's got out a few days later. Hit me up and told me how much he appreciated what I had done. 'She said you was a complete gentlemen'. Child's said. This conversation would also be our last one as well. We totally lost track with one another and that was over ten years ago. I think about my nigga sometimes. Her too.
I was satisfied with the decision I'd made in Midtown. But I knew speaking over the phone with her without him knowing broke the rule.
I've always felt bad about that.
Cause I broke the rule to keep it simple.
And that's why I wrote 'I'm sorry Child's'.
i'm sorry child's -by jonathan 'deez nuts' riley
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